


The Crappy Day Clint Saw Tony's Other Side

by ibelieveinsherlockholmes2014



Series: Tony is Tony, Thats a Good Thing [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Panic Attacks, Phil Coulson's Trading Card Collection, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Angst, Tony Has Issues, dead pepper potts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 19:01:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1358437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ibelieveinsherlockholmes2014/pseuds/ibelieveinsherlockholmes2014
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint starts to snoop when he sees something he doesn't really want to. He tells the team when he realizes Tony's still doing something stupid. Featuring pissed-off-Clint, angry-Steve, and hulked-out-Bruce</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When you open up...

Clint needed to mind his own business. He had just entered the old Stark Mansion to get some blackmail on Tony. When he entered Tony’s room, it was a sight. There were no posters, no decorations, and no toys, nothing to signify a child had lived there. Just a simple twin bed, a bookshelf filled with science and technology books, a dresser, and a closet.

Clint decided to check the closet first. In side there were clothes lining the walls. Clint wasn’t dumb, though. He could see the outline of a paper behind the clothes. In one swift move he slides the clothes to one side. And it was a sight. It was a wall dedicated to Captain America. There was a book filled with trading cards that would have made Coulson jelly.

Upon closer inspection, there was a note written by little Tony, he guessed.

_I am not Captain America; I am not smart, not good, and not perfect. I will never be as good as him. I can’t even try. Dad was right, I am useless. Everyone I love or get close to dies. This is a promise to never let anyone to never let anyone in. I won’t let anyone die like Jarvis. He died because I let him in. I won’t kill anyone else by loving them. If I do I’ll be a murderer. Captain America wouldn’t put people in harm’s way .Captain America wouldn’t make stupid things. Captain America wouldn’t get a B- on his paper. Captain America wouldn’t talk back to his parents. Captain America wouldn’t be imperfect._

The next chapter was in newer writing.

_Captain America wouldn't kill his parents. Captain America wouldn’t yell at Pepper. Captain America wouldn’t kill 30 people. Captain America wouldn’t build weapons. Captain America wouldn’t be reckless. Captain America wouldn’t hurt people. Captain America wouldn’t let Pepper die._

Then it was back to tiny Tony.

_Every time I sign this I promise not to hurt people by loving them. Because I can’t love people, they’ll die._

Clint looked at the 20 something signatures. The latest was from a month ago, when Pepper died. Clint was in shock, narcissistic? Yeah right.

He turned to go out of the room when he spotted the dresser. It had writing on it. He pushed it out and looked at it. At the top there was a title that said Times Tony Messed Up. There was so many tallies. At least a hundred, maybe two hundred.

“Oh Tony” Clint sighed.

* * *

The first thing Clint does when he gets home is watch Tony. He sees the way he looks after he messes up. He saw Tony’s fake smile. He even saw the way Tony wouldn’t get close to the team. After a very disappointing fight, tony escaped off to his room. Clint followed him to his room to hear the screeching of wood sliding against tile.

“That’s it! Tony enough! You don’t need to do that!” Clint said coming in and seeing what he expected.

There were hundreds of tallies all over his dresser. He put on his I’m annoyed face and walked over to Tony. He grabbed Tony’s wrist and dragged him into the living room where the other avengers were located.

“Tony’s got something to tell you.” Clint says practically throwing Tony on the couch.

“What?” Steve asked.

"Nothing." Tony tries to stand up and f ails.

" Tony has a wall marked with how many times he's messes up. he also promised his younger self that he wouldn't love anyone. Apparently he thinks people he loves dies. He thinks he's stupid and blames himself for all the deaths around him. Any thing I miss?" Clint tells them.

" Nope." Tony says unashamed.

"WHAT?!?!?" Bruce yells


	2. .... it will be okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait!

It was the day, Clint was sure that he would get Tony to understand his perspective. He had gathered the team into Tony's room and had sat Tony down between Thor and Steve, in case he tried to run. He pulled out the dresser and showed the group  it's marks, then explained the story.

"So I was trying to get blackmail on Tony by looking through his old house, and when I went into his room I saw that the dresser was weird so I looked at it and saw the markings and a title that said "Times Tony Messed Up" so I was like 'wow Tony's a weird kid' until I saw him do it to this dresser, then I told you." Clint stole a glance and saw a scowling Tony.

"Why would you record the amount of times you mess up? It seems to be strange because everyone does things wrong.": Thor asked Tony.

"I did it cause I can, now leave me alone" Tony commanded.

"How about no?" Natasha said fiercely.

"You are going to make this a big deal aren't you?" Tony sighed.

"Yes." Steve openly stated.

* * *

 

"Why do you do this?" Bruce asked.

"Why do you want to become a therapist?" Tony smirked at Bruce's anger.

"Tell me, Tony, or I'll ask Steve to tie you up." Bruce threatened.

"You wouldn't." Tony said.

"Try me."

Fine, I do it to feel human," Tony spoke in a whispered tone, but everyone could hear him.

"What are you  talking about?" Clint asked.

"My dad, he,umm, used to say I wasn't human, so I told him that humans make mistakes and he told me all the time that I did so.. Anyway he told me i might be human on the outside, but on the inside I was another monster that...people had to fight. Then he pointed out my flaws and said he probably couldn't even count that high. I just said there was a reason he couldn't count high, and it wasn't me. Me and Pops fought a lot." Tony explained.

"Wait, so this was healing?" Natasha asked.

"Yeah, that's why it didn't really matter to me." Tony scoffed.

"Even if your healing from that bastard, it isn't good to point out all your mistakes. You could talk to a councilor or something." Clint was still angry.

"Did Howard ever hit you?" Bruce asked.

"Umm, what? No." Tony said pulling what he thought was the perfect lie.

"He did, didn't he! he hit you during the fight you told us about" Bruce said standing.

"Your insane!" Tony yelled.

"How many times did he hit you?" Steve asked calmly.

"Never!" Tony cried.

"Don't lie Tony!" Natasha warned as if trying not to startle him.

"Leave me alone!" Tony took a step back.

"No."

"Did he hit you?"

"Tony, we are trying to help you."

"I can't breath!" Tony gasped.

* * *

Tony curled into a ball in the corner with short gasping breaths shaking his body. He was having a heart attack?!?! He couldn't breath, was the room hot, not he was shivering. If he was shivering, then why was he sweating. Is the air getting thin? Tony turned to his right and puked on the floor as the dizziness set in. Why was it quiet? Wait, there's a voice.

"Tony? Tony if you can hear me nod" Bruce's voice came through the fog.

A simple nod.

"Okay, do you take any medication for this?" Bruce asked in a calm voice.

A shake of the head.

"Okay, well someone's going to help us with this, are you okay?"

Another nod.

"Has this happened before?"

A nod.

"Okay, we're doing good, just concentrate on breathing." Bruce commands. "okay now can you tell me why this happened ?"

"Dad.... wasn't.. he wasn't.... nice." Tony gasped.

"Okay. There here buddy, good job."

"Bruce?" Tony asked.

"Yes?"

"Stay gold pony boy"

And then the paramedics spead off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and you thought This was the end ha!  
> panic attacks are not rare in people, a normal person will have at least two panic attacks in there life span.  
> for more information got to this website  
> http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/panic-attacks/basics/symptoms/con-20020825  
> for helping someone through this go here  
> http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/helping-someone-during-a-panic-attack-topic-overview


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Steve!" Clint cried.

"What? Tony's crawling up the walls, I gotta get him checked out." Steve said walking towards the exit.

"I just wanted to say, Tony really looks up to you, so don't go screwing with him. Pepper dying put a lot of guilt on is shoulders. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't say or do anything stupid." Clint said and walked away leaving Steve with his thoughts.

* * *

It was dark, cold and quiet. Tony could see nothing. He panicked and then felt the weight of his suit. He knew it would power back up soon, but then he heard it. The Scream, the Scream that haunted every nightmare he had since the day. He yelled and tried to move but the suit wasn't started yet. A feminine voice yelled out "TONY HELP" but Tony couldn't reach her. Just then, the power booted on. He used his suit to locate her immediately. He saw Pepper lying under the rubble of a destroyed building. Quickly lifting the rubble he held her in his arms.

Lifting the face plate he said "I'm gonna get you to a hospital"

"No, it's to late. I'm in so much pain, Tony" Pepper moaned as she clutched her bleeding side. It was torn to shreds and dirt was in the wound.

"I'll get you to the hospital, just a couple more minutes." Tony said desperately.

"Tony, please, make it end, please let it be you." Pepper whispered.

"NO! No no nonono..." Tony had tears flooding his cheeks.

"Please." Pepper pleaded.

Tony shifted her towards him laying her back across her chest.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine You make me happy when sky's are grey.  You never know, dear, how much I love you." Tony kissed pepper's cheek and with one move, broke her neck. "Please don't take my sunshine away"

* * *

Tony woke screaming. He flung his arms out and tried to get out of the bed. Someone pulled him back and he flailed, still screaming and sobbing. Tony soon gave up trying to leave the bed and instead clutched the person holding him back. He could tell easily it was Clint and the mechanic cried into his shoulder. "I killed her" He mumbled over and over.

"You had too. She was dying already and was in so much pain. You helped her" Clint whispered.

"I killed her! We were gonna have a kid, I killed her and him. She was self-conscious, ya know? She didn't want anyone to know. We found out it was a boy. His name was a toss-up between James and Conner. I killed him too. I loved him, how can you love something that you only see pictures of? It's not fair" Tony explained.

"I know Tony, I know."

"She asked me too, I didn't want to."

"Yes Tony"

"I hate her."

"No you don't"

"Yes I do, she made me kill her"

"You still love her."

"Yeah, I guess I do"

* * *

Rhodes is there and so is Bucky along with the rest of the avengers, who knows why. Anyway they are crowded around a grave. The grave of Pepper Stark, Tony's literally shaking as he looks on the grave with dread.

"It's time to let go," Rhodes smiled sadly and hugged Tony.

"Love ya babe. The tower was more than 12% yours, by the way. maybe 20%" he chuckled and felt the tears fall. Tony set the roses down, and with that setting down the guilt of her death. No more sadness and no more believing he was a monster. No more believing anything his father said. The bruises and broken bones didn't last and the scares were almost non existent. Tony was finally letting go of all the shit in his life.

"Now! Shwarma?" Bucky asked.

"No, I'm feeling Subway" Tony said and soon they were huddled around a Subway table.

**Author's Note:**

> so Tony whump. and Bruce going rage monster in the next chapter


End file.
